Usually when I start writing a blog post, I have a pretty good idea about what I want to talk about. Mostly the title comes first and I go from there.
Not today.
I started a post that sounded really whiney and full of luxury problems. Then I just stopped and deleted it. I realized I was just making myself depressed. Sometimes the writing is a type of catharsis, a type of sharing. I know my audience likes that to a point because they say things like, “thanks for sharing.”
I guess, today, I don’t have the stomach for that. I am more interested in moving the thoughts forward, while at the same time, not making bold predictions.
Next week, I finish up my work year on Tuesday. I’m lucky to have banked some holiday time that I will forfeit if I don’t take it. I am looking forward to seeing Nathalie for the first time in months. I am anxious to hear her voice and soak her in.
I also look forward to a a little “me” time. I look forward to getting out in the world and taking in some of that x-mas spirit. I don’t even mind going to the mall because there is something about all the decorations that tickles me.
I look forward to finishing a little housework, too. All this is so much more real than my daily life at work.
I am anxious to hear how my musical arrangements were received first by the players and then the audience. Getting lost in creating those arrangements was at once a challenge (to learn new software) and a treat to re-invigorate a part of my brain that I forget exists and is fairly competent and confident. My brain is also the master of the work. No outside agents.
I look forward to connecting with friends and family, some of whom are facing challenges in their own lives. I look forward to taking walks with them and kibbitzing, especially with Amy – my number one walk buddy.
Bing – I just got the title.
There will be some trying moments, too. There will be some tedious moments or frustrating moments. There will be driving that seems unnecessary. But all that mundane shit will be worth it. It will all be folded into the milieu in which I turn away from work and focus on the other parts of life.
I’ve recently found a blog that I really love. it’s called the Bulletproof Musician. It is written by a musician who became a psychologist, Dr. Noa Kageyama. Think of a sports psychologist for artists.
I’ve been resisting making big proclamations and predictions of late. But also feeling some regret. In general, research shows that regret is a stronger emotion than disappointment. This quote, however, really resonated with me.

But I don’t want to get my hopes up and be disappointed if I fail to get there.
Fair enough, but know that if you fall for this common trap, all you’re doing is substituting possible disappointment in the present for probable regret later.

It’s also worth noting that announcing your goals as means of motivation does not produce better results. Think New Year’s resolutions. He says make resolutions, but just keep them to yourself and quietly work toward them. That works the best for more people.
I am happy to be looking forward to some relaxation in the coming weeks. Whatever is to come after that is what I guess I will quietly work toward.
Bon courage à tous.