In a world of musical possibilities, I play the bass. I have never been the singer or the guitar player. Indeed, my first instrument was the sousaphone. Why? They needed someone to play it.
My musical skill has been to fill holes. I have mostly done that through bass playing and tuba playing. Tuba since grade 5. Bass since grade 7. That’s over 40 years of music in my life. There were times when it was little more than strumming some chords in a given month so it’s not an unending streak of practicing but that is beside the point.

Studying music in college, I did a lot of different things. I played keyboard bass in a recording session. I played recorder christmas carols, sang in choirs, played gong in a wind ensemble, bongso/timbales/conga in a jazz group, and sang backing tracks. None of it was my thing. I was always doing it for someone elses thing.

This probably is not that uncommon a story, but along the way there is usually a bit more doing your own thing or leading.

I think it has something to do with being part of a big family and one that wasn’t always the most healthy dynamic. I’m not here to play the victim or throw anyone under the bus. Not today. But I think being thrust into roles of responsibility early shaped my skill set or maybe that’s just who I am all around.

I will say that being adaptable has allowed me to go to a lot of places and experience a lot of things. That part is good. It has also foreclosed certain other possibilities. I’m not the best at identifying what I want. What would make me happy. I don’t mean this in some kind of grand sense of world peace. I mean it in a more pragmatic sense of what to do with my vacation time, how do I unplug and recharge.

I envy people and feel a deep connection to people when they have some consuming goal. My sister is training for the Boston Marathon and apart from the typical avuncular feelings of familial pride that I have for my baby sis, I feel a bit like I’m caught in her wake and being pulled along by an unseen force. I’m not even very near to her and I feel it. Weird, right?

On some level, this line of reasoning is leading to a broader conclusion and it is simply this: Hey kids, it’s okay to not have any idea what you want. It is by no means terrible. And, it is not that unusual. My kids, nieces and nephews are all entering that part of life where they will make grand decisions about “the future.” It can be overwhelming. I would say, do your best, and keep moving along. If you ride in someone’s wake for a bit that’s okay too. You might never stop doing that.