Lest you think that I am ready to jump off a bridge, rest assured. I am not. I’m angry not depressed. And I’m very happy to say that. I have been much more depressed at times in my life and thanks to therapy, I have found many ways to be more resilient.
Faced with this job change, I find that I am contemplating bigger changes while at the same time having something of nesting instinct.
We are in a very nice position thanks to hard work over the years and an impulse to save money. We will not starve and no one will have to sell any organs even if I were unable to secure a job like the one I have.
- I have an impulse to try to figure out how to go back to school.
- I have stepped-up my technical training and looked into a computer science degree. I am rejecting that idea because while I think I might enjoy it, the pay-off isn’t really there for me.
- I think that talking about it in this blog is helping me too.
- We are talking about what is “retirement.”
- Would we move to someplace where the cost of living is a bit lower?
- Amy still has her job; how does that figure into it?
I am not saying that I’m looking forward to this at all. I’m saying that I am a bit energized by the possibilities that it is forcing me to think about.
Someone asked me what was my biggest concern and it is simple: I will have another heart surgery if I’m lucky enough to live long enough for my present valve to begin to falter. I just want to give myself a reasonable chance that I can come through that without breaking the bank and enjoy another 10-20 years after that.
That fact was emphasized for me more this year by my cardiologist. He did my numbers and said, “if you are going to try to change your cholesterol with diet and exercise, now is the time.” That started me down the road of my present diet. Next week I get my physical and I find out if my numbers are better.
Microsoft was providing me a nice glide path to heart surgery. That fact might change but I don’t think it is all bad.
My twenties and early thirties were a much more dynamic time in my life. Even when things were bad financially, I felt more in control and less averse to some risks. I think maybe that is what is circling around again. I just need to find a way to re-assure the part of my brain that craves security that I am not risking too much.
Could be fun.
