Amy and I had our first weekend since the kids went off to college. Now it is the first so drawing conclusions from the first is risky. It could be an outlier. It’s not just a small data set; it’s the smallest.

But so far, so good. In fact, we are still very compatible. I don’t find this surprising at all.

We mostly like to chill out and then eat, then go do something and then probably eat, then chill again.

At home, or away, the patterns are not tons different. We both have interests outside of each other and I consider this a happy accident. Amy has always kept up with beading, crafts, art stuff, scrap books, knitting, reading, exercise. She does this all very naturally without a lot of neediness. No surprise to anyone who knows her.

I on the other hand have none of those instincts naturally. I was a little panicked when I began thinking about our future with an empty nest. What if we are just sitting there looking at each other night after night? Will we become one of those couples who just pick at each other because what else are we going to do. I will have more time, but what should I do? Amy is going to expect me to be charming and clever all the time. Holy shit. I am not that charming.

But somewhere along the way, I found my way back to the tuba. And to music and even exercise. I never stopped playing the bass and along the way got a guitar and piano too. There is a lot to do there. And the early conditioning I got from starting this early in my life makes it very easy to find my way back to it. Even the ukulele is a great injection. It is a fun, simple instrument to pick up. I would never have imagined how much fun it is to have around. No one is intimidated by the uke so it gets picked up all the time. That’s how you do it. You relentlessly pick it up.

This is a small data set, as I said. That’s another way of saying I could still screw this up. But so far, I have not and I am a lot less nervous about the future. It’s not the big things that eat away at a relationship. You can always plan a grand gesture. But can you be nice, polite, a little charming day after day after day?

I am a guy who “does things.” If anything I feel I am not doing enough right now. I have time so why am I not practicing more? Well, that’s a problem I can handle.

I think we are both carving out nice niches for ourselves with personal time. It feels, uh, pretty, uh, normal. Somehow that word, “normal,” can take on a pejorative tone. For me, it always feels like something I am not naturally in tune with. I welcome it. I don’t want this to be any harder than it has to be. That seems like challenge enough.